First thoughts that comes to mind, home, with him, relax, chill, eat, do what we do together. and then the realization, no, wait, it is not like that any more. I chose different, I chose to move on, I chose to end it.
Then the thoughts of it wasn't bad, it was good, comfortable, did I make the right decision. The doubts crawling in.
Then the realization of the games our minds plays with us. I can choose to let them take over and get me into dwelling on it again and again in whatever shape and angle I will let it take me or, I can choose to stop. Observe, learn from it, from whats coming in and flowing out, it is all in my hands, in my mind. I can choose what to do with it. Go back, to the old feelings, memories that accumulated or let it go and let the intelligence take over.
Few days passes, going out, coming back, busy days going and returning. The thoughts changes, memories trying to crawl back again. Observing.
Within the busy schedule, the daily life, a lot to do, need to find time for it all and then, getting tired, finding my self taking a break. Setting time aside for some quality time for my self. Treating my self for some fun. A few hours of letting go. Nothing of importance or significance, just letting go. Followed by a good restful sleep waking up feeling as if I just had a bear like winter sleep. Nice, refreshing.
A cup of tea, sitting with one of BKS Iyengar's books: The tree of Yoga. Just a few chapters, thinking to my self, and then will continue with the chores.
Next chapter: The bark. Pratyahara.
'The Indian thought distinguishes between the mental and the intellectual body. The mind gathers information and the intelligence has the power to discriminate right from wrong and to reason clearly.'
'The intellectual aspect of the mind gathers, collects and accumulates information, but has no power of discrimination. Discrimination is known as Pratyahara. Pratyahara is the culturing and civilising of the senses of perception. In much of our life, memory supersedes intelligent. Memory is afraid that it may lose its identity, so before the mind has a chance to call upon the intelligence, memory comes in and say, 'Act! Now! Immediately!' That is known as impulse, which commonly governs our actions. You have to make sure that memory gives the right response.'
'Memory longs for further experiences and ignites the mind, which by-passes intelligence and directly stimulates the organs of actions to go in pursuit of these experiences. the intelligence tries to measure the advantages and disadvantages to balance the memory, the mind and the organs of perception...because of past experiences of pleasure, they thirst for more and more. Thus demands and desires increase. one continues to hanker for past impressions.'
'Then intelligence with its discriminative faculty weighs right and wrong, and guides the mind not to depend completely on memory and its impressions. This act of going against the current of memory and mind is Pratyahara.'
'Pratyahara means not allowing memory to play its favourite trick.'
